If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly. Very slowly. - Gypsy Rose Lee. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Weep and you sleep alone. - Sophie Tucker. Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. - Spike Milligan. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. Understanding the Funny Quote Generator. A Funny Quote Generator is an online tool designed to generate humorous quotes on demand. These online platforms bank on sophisticated algorithms that draw from a vast database of quotes, puns, and one-liners to present the user with a unique and funny quote each time they click on the ‘generate’ …Apr 20, 2022 · 12. He’s not wrong. “Being an adult is basically just emailing someone back and forth saying ‘sorry for the delayed response!’ until one of you dies.”. 13. I wish that was a thing ... Nov 21, 2023 - Explore Kenneth Pittman's board "Adult humor quotes", followed by 181 people on Pinterest. See more ideas about humor, funny quotes, bones funny. Surprise them with one of these funny diaper messages. You can either use a Sharpie pen to write on the outside of the clean diaper or use a Post-It note. These funny midnight messages are sure to make your partner smile the next time it’s their turn to change your baby. “Forget the wipes. Go turn on the shower.”.Funny Valentine quotes about love. 25. “Love is a misunderstanding between two fools.”. — Oscar Wilde. 26. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”. — Albert ...When you’re looking for a new insurance policy, the first step you usually need to take is requesting an insurance quote. This means that knowing how insurance quotes work is essen...Mar 7, 2023 · If you like these, you can also check out our list of Short Funny Quotes. “Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.”. — Jack Handy. “Easter: Hide & Seek with eggs.”. — Melanie White. “My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.”. — Amy Sedaris. Quote #80. “I want to thank you for never being there anymore. Your absence has forced me to find my own way.”. Funny goodbye quotes are beautiful and hilarious remarks by people from various backgrounds. No matter where you …10. “My love life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes.”. – Unknown. 11. “Valentine’s Day: when a card just isn’t enough to ...Coloring pages are no longer just for children. Indeed, coloring books are selling well in the adult market. Here, one might ask why grown-up men and women are so keen to color mandalas, zentangles, animals, famous paintings, sugar sculls, patterns, doodles and other intricate coloring images. The answer is simple. It is all about anti-stress effects of …Sep 30, 2022 · Use these funny halloween quotes for adults to make your night more charming. And Dracula said, “Give me your blood and save your soul tonight,” and I woke up alive the next day. Happy Halloween! A hug a day keeps Monster away. A candy a day keeps the witches and ghosts away. “Always remember, safety first…buckle up your body parts!”. 10. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are. 11. I never knew what happiness was until I got married—and ...Hilarious Irish Sayings. – You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. – If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, then you’re lucky enough. – May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat. – Who gossips with you will gossip of you. – A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures.Jan 5, 2023 · Here are a few inspiring funny quotes. “Bad decisions make good stories.”. — Ellis Vidler. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”. — Andy Rooney. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”. — Terry Pratchett. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Apr 13, 2016 · 12. Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. 13. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.14. When nothing is going right, go left.15. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. 16. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.17. In a world filled with constant noise and distractions, a well-crafted funny short quote or saying has the power to captivate and entertain. Whether it’s a clever one-liner or a hu...Nov 30, 2023 · “Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha, “Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel” “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” “Why do they call... Mar 31, 2023 ... “My mother used to say: the older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.”.1. “When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” —Theodore Roosevelt 2. “Confidence is 10% hard work …Apr 22, 2023 ... Erma Bombeck. funny graduation quotes Getty Images. "Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ...Jan 8, 2023 · You can also check out our lists of Sunday Morning Quotes and Funny Sunday Quotes. “Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.”. ― Joseph Addison. “How I long for the day to come when Sunday is every day of the week.”. ― Byron Pulsifer. “Time flows in a strange way on Sundays.”. ― Haruki Murakami. May 8, 2023 · Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”. Tap To Copy. In the morning Tom calls to his boss: – Good morning, boss, unfortunately, I’m not coming to work today. I’m really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I’m not coming into work.”. The boss replies: Albert Einstein. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”. George Bernard Shaw. “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”. David Bowie. “As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.”. Margaret Deland.Even the Grinch would be impressed with these funny Christmas card sayings. 1. It’s the most wine-derful time of the year. 2. Have a cool yule and swell noel. 3. I hope you love the present you told me to buy for you. 4. Let’s be naughty and save Santa a …1. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald. 2. “I’m still the same person I was last year—now I’m just hungover ...Are you tired of sending the same old traditional birthday cards year after year? Do you want to add some laughter and excitement to your loved one’s special day? Look no further t...Mick Jagger. "You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’. And you do." Carl Sandburg. "In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning." Emo Philips.Jun 18, 2020 · Albert Einstein. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”. George Bernard Shaw. “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”. David Bowie. “As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.”. Margaret Deland. 90 funny Halloween quotes to tickle your funny bone These short and hilarious quotes from movies, TV shows and celebrities are skella-good. July 1, 2022, 2:18 PM UTC / Updated Oct. 27, 2023, 2:22 ...Dirty Captions. Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together. Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you are in Heaven. All I really want is someone with a good heart and a dirty mind. Not all cute guys have girlfriends, most of them have boyfriends. My legs are missing you in between them.80 Funny Birthday Wishes. iStock. 1. May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday! 2. It’s your birthday, the anniversary of the day you ...Add some of these 21 best funny dares to your arsenal for the funniest game of Truth or Dare you'll ever play. 1. Go outside and dance like a cowboy. I recommend the Boot Scootin' Boogie. 2. Do a model runway walk outside on the sidewalk. You're strong. You're beautiful.Nov 21, 2023 - Explore Kenneth Pittman's board "Adult humor quotes", followed by 181 people on Pinterest. See more ideas about humor, funny quotes, bones funny. They say that laughter is the best medicine, so it’s a good idea to have a few jokes on hand whenever you need to cheer someone up. With cute, funny, short jokes, you can turn some...Show your bestie that you’re thinking about them by sending them one of the following funny long-distance friendship quotes. 1. “We live so far apart because the world just isn’t ready for that much awesomeness.” —Unknown. 2. “I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.” —Unknown. 3.8. A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer. 9. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango. 10 ...Mar 2, 2022 ... Download this Premium Vector about Being a functional adult every day funny inspirational quotes lettering with white background, ...Arthur C. Clarke. A smile is a facelift that’s in everyone’s price range! A bank …Nov 30, 2023 · “Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha, “Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel” “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” “Why do they call... Shakespeare – and his Elizabethan audiences – had a liking for innuendo and dirty jokes, so we had to include one in this list of funniest Shakespeare jokes. This particular one may need a little explaining…. In Twelfth Night Malvolio is reading a letter that has been planted for him as a practical joke and which he believes comes from ...Are you looking to lighten the mood and bring laughter to your friends, family, or colleagues? Look no further than extremely funny jokes. With their ability to bring joy and laugh...80 Funny Birthday Wishes. iStock. 1. May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday! 2. It’s your birthday, the anniversary of the day you ...Funny Snow Quotes. These funny snow quotes are a great way to brighten up your day. “Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.”. — Jeff Valdez. “The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.”. — Gary D. Schmidt.Shakespeare’s famous quotes about love. “I would not wish any companion in the world but you.”. “Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.”. “Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.”. “I am one who loved not wisely but too well.”.29. A man and his family are staying at a hotel. The man asks the employee at the front desk if the adult channels are disabled. No, it’s just regular p*rn, you sick f*ck. —– 30. Doing the business in elevators is great on so many levels. Wildly Inappropriate Dirty Pick Up Lines. Dirty jokes and awful pick up lines go hand in hand.Feb 2, 2024 · Keep holding…keep holding…. Forever is good. I was gonna stuff all my love for you into your Valentine. But it was kinda like trying to get into your skinny jeans the day after Thanksgiving. Happy Valentine’s Day, Peyton! Valentine, if you’ll be mine, my heart will ring with music! 8. A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer. 9. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango. 10 ...Apr 27, 2023 · 1. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”. 2. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my ... Here are some truly funny sibling quotes for you to enjoy whether you are a brother or sister. 1. “Sometimes people say they can’t tell me and my sister apart. Here’s a hint: I’m the pretty one.”. - Unknown*. 2. “Sisters are like psychiatrists. They have no choice but to listen to your whining then turn around and rob you blind ...Mar 7, 2023 · If you like these, you can also check out our list of Short Funny Quotes. “Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.”. — Jack Handy. “Easter: Hide & Seek with eggs.”. — Melanie White. “My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.”. — Amy Sedaris. As early as the late 19th century, comic strips in newspapers have provided some much-needed humor for generations of children, adults and adult children. Charlie Brown, Snoopy and...Aug 18, 2019 · 2. Time can be illusionary. “Time goes by so slowly when you're a child, and then, as an adult, it goes by in the blink of an eye.” –David Lowery 3. Nobody’s certain. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone 9. “A perfect parent is a person …r/NSFWFunny. A list of posts that will get you banned. a man with priorities! Whatever works I guess. An apple a day.. Taiwanese gameshow giving Japan a run for it's money! When it's your last day at work and you've run out of fucks to give.Apr 27, 2023 · 1. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”. 2. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my ... Feb 2, 2024 · Keep holding…keep holding…. Forever is good. I was gonna stuff all my love for you into your Valentine. But it was kinda like trying to get into your skinny jeans the day after Thanksgiving. Happy Valentine’s Day, Peyton! Valentine, if you’ll be mine, my heart will ring with music! This way, they’ll find their way to the top of this list! After that is all well and done, share these funny text messages with your friends. Or just, like, you know, send …If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly. Very slowly. - Gypsy Rose Lee. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Weep and you sleep alone. - Sophie Tucker. Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. - Spike Milligan. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. Funny Adult Memes To Have You Rolling On The Floor Laughing. We understand everyone needs a good laugh after a hard day, so we’ve curated a collection of the most side-splitting, rib-tickling, and funny adult memes just for you. Our selection goes beyond the ordinary, bringing you a unique blend of humor only those diagnosed with …Feb 14, 2024 · 100 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes. 1. “Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you.I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz 2. "I ... 80 Funny Birthday Wishes. iStock. 1. May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday! 2. It’s your birthday, the anniversary of the day you ...Even the Grinch would be impressed with these funny Christmas card sayings. 1. It’s the most wine-derful time of the year. 2. Have a cool yule and swell noel. 3. I hope you love the present you told me to buy for you. 4. Let’s be naughty and save Santa a …Some funny poems about turning 65 are “Age is Just a Number” and “I Still Don’t Believe.” Another funny poem about turning 65 that lists the birthday celebrant’s positive qualities...Mar 31, 2023 ... “My mother used to say: the older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.”.Welcome to “100 Adult Jokes: Laugh Out Loud with Puns & One-Liners,” the ultimate collection that’s guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your day! In this space, we serve up a smorgasbord of jests, from the witty to the wacky, that’s perfect for your adult sense of humor. Get ready to dive into a world where ...Sep 6, 2022 · This way, they’ll find their way to the top of this list! After that is all well and done, share these funny text messages with your friends. Or just, like, you know, send them via messenger. #1. A guy knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. Are you tired of sending the same old traditional birthday cards year after year? Do you want to add some laughter and excitement to your loved one’s special day? Look no further t...In today’s digital age, sending eCards has become a popular way to express emotions and celebrate special occasions. And what better way to bring a smile to someone’s face than wit...Jun 26, 2023 · 1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.” —Mitch Hedberg. 2. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey. 3. 10. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are. 11. I never knew what happiness was until I got married—and ...Best Funny Winter Quotes. “Every mile is two in winter.”. “Watch Your Step – It Could Be Your Last.”. “Some people feel the cold, others just hug and sleep.”. “Can anyone tell me where the delete winter button is?”. – Unknown. funny cold weather quotes. “When it snows you have two choices. Shovel or snow angels.”.Here are 100 of the best funny quotes I could find. The goal? To make you relax, laugh, and have a good time! 😂 Life is short and the happiest people are those who live lightly ( with a smile on their hearts). …Alden Nowlan Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. H. G. Wells Adults are obsolete children. Dr. Seuss I think that inside every …For Men. Here are some funny birthday messages specifically for a guy. Happy Birthday to a guy who still isn’t showing his age… or acting it! Happy Birthday! Hope you consume plenty of cake, beer, and ED meds. Happy Birthday to a guy who’s witty, manly, handsome… and reminds me a lot of myself! Happy Birthday! When we have a President who says things like “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that wall” as his answer to immigration, it’s...When trying to clean up a dirty Gary, SpongeBob takes soap out of the bathtub. He then proceeds to show them to Gary, explaining to "not drop the doubloons" while winking. It was an obvious reference to the more well-known phrase to not drop the soap, especially when in a prison shower.Here are some truly funny sibling quotes for you to enjoy whether you are a brother or sister. 1. “Sometimes people say they can’t tell me and my sister apart. Here’s a hint: I’m the pretty one.”. - Unknown*. 2. “Sisters are like psychiatrists. They have no choice but to listen to your whining then turn around and rob you blind ...Nov 21, 2023 - Explore Kenneth Pittman's board "Adult humor quotes", followed by 181 people on Pinterest. See more ideas about humor, funny quotes, bones funny. Andy Sorkin. You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up. Danielle Carson. 20.Funny Quotes. facebook; twitter; googleplus; Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain. Inspirational, Life, Hilarious. 2547 Copy quote. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money. ~ IRS auditor. I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons. ~ Douglas Adams. Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow. ~ …. Europaporno
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